Love and fear can go hand in hand in a soulmate or twin flame relationship.
The deep spiritual connection causes heightened emotions. So what starts out as pure love often turns to fear.
The fear of losing a soulmate or twin flame can start out small but tend to grow very, very quickly.
WE LIVE IN A DUALISTIC UNIVERSE
The universe is dualistic. This implies there are two sides to everything: good and evil, yin and yang, spirit and matter, black and white, love and fear. To live in the light you must understand the darkness. When you’re in darkness you see the light.
Love and fear are the only emotions we really experience, with all others being a subset of love or fear. The components of love are joy, peace, tranquility and compassion. But pessimism, depression and anxiety belong to fear. You can’t have both. If you feel peace, you can’t feel anxious. If you feel depressed you can’t feel joy.
Fear and love don’t coexist, they are mutually exclusive.
When you are fearful you aren’t truly experiencing love. But if you’re experiencing love, your fears are gone. Love is light, and when we live from that place of love, we are living in the light. One of the things a spiritual connection bring is the experience of unconditional love.
In your soulmate or twin flame relationship are you dwelling in a place of fear or love? Do you find yourself doing things, or worrying about things, that you normally wouldn’t do? Are you over analyzing everything that are said and done? Do you constantly look for reassurance of their feelings? Are you threatened by every member of the opposite sex they come into contact with?
REACTING WITH FEAR
That’s not reacting upon your feelings of love, it’s reacting to fears of losing the relationship. For whatever reason, good or bad, you fear when put to the test of proving they really love you, they will fail miserably. So what needs to be done?
First of all, try to remove all the tests and stop looking for constant reassurance. Testing a soulmate or twin flame, or waiting for the shoe to to drop, doesn’t do anything positive. It keeps you in a state of negativity. Will it help you alleviate your fears? Not really.
It keeps you in a place of fear.
Now your relationship is no longer based upon love, but fear of losing your soulmate or twin flame.
Let’s say you met a guy named Steve and things have been going well. There appears to be a strong connection between you. It seems too good to be true but then fear sets in. Now you may find yourself looking for clues that he may not be what he seems.
Because of bad experiences in your past relationships you start to think Steve may not honest. Even though he has given you no reason to think that, you can’t help but wonder. This may cause you to hold back your own feelings because you’re afraid he isn’t developing any. Then you decide to appear more aloof. Now you won’t initiate anything because you don’t want to make a fool of yourself if he doesn’t like you as much as you like him.
Then Steve tells you this isn’t working for him and thinks you should part ways. He says you lack chemistry and a lack of connection. Without these components he says he relationship will not go anywhere. Now part of you is thinking “I KNEW IT!” But when he goes on to explain he thought you didn’t like him because you did nothing to show it, you realize your FEAR just screwed up the whole thing. Not Steve.
You were so afraid to put yourself out there, take a chance, and show him you liked him. This happens a lot when we encounter a soulmate or twin flame. It’s scary to express the feelings we experience. But Steve thinks you weren’t really into him and never would be. You made your fears a reality because now Steve is convinced you two aren’t right for each other. Your fear caused a big problem in what could have been a spiritual partnership.
SOMETIMES FEAR IS HEALTHY
Some fears are healthy in soulmate and twin flame relationships. If you really love someone, you should have a rational fear that you could lose them. It makes sense to think you would lose them if you do stupid things like cheat on them, steal their money, or run their mother over with a tractor. We should all have a healthy fear of losing the people and things that we value and make us happy. But what about the fear of losing things that are essentially worthless?
Sounds stupid doesn’t it? Who would have a fear of losing something worthless? You aren’t worried late at night and losing sleep because someone may steal your garbage are you? No!
But when it comes to relationships, people are afraid of losing either something they don’t really have, or something they shouldn’t want in the first place. A false soulmate or twin flame is nothing you want. They resemble a twin flame or soulmate and can be confused with a true soulmate or twin flame. You need to let go of those relationships and move on.
Time and time again we hear someone say “They’re so mean to me, they say terrible things and calls me horrible names, does nothing for me only takes from me!” “They cheat on me, disrespect me, have no time for me, etc”.
When we tell them what they need to do to change it, or that they need to let go, we often hear “But I am afraid of losing them”. Excuse me, why would you be afraid of losing such a toxic relationship?
Why would you even want it in the first place? Shouldn’t you be afraid of remaining in that relationship more than you should be afraid of losing it?
What are you really afraid of?
Being alone? Starting over? Admitting you wasted time and made mistakes being with this person? Either way, you have to deal with that fear because it’s getting you into and remaining in relationships that are making you miserable.
Sometimes soulmates and twin flames can reach a crisis point. If it’s really a true soulmate or twin flame connection you have to let go of fear. You need to replace the fear with faith. Don’t be afraid of losing the connection. Be afraid of not honoring the connection and keeping your standards and boundaries in check.
Fear can make us do stupid things.
In relationships, more often than not, fear makes us do REALLY stupid things. If you’re on a boat and see a dorsal fin of a shark, your fear should keep you from diving in and getting eaten. This is where fear is helpful. When your fear of losing someone causes you to wake them up at 4am, the night before their big meeting, because you need to talk about your feelings right now, or you decide it’s time to pick a fight, your fears just made you an imbecile.
Fear makes people do stupid things like check the dark basement armed with nothing but a flashlight when they hear a loud noise resembling a monster or intruder. It’s the same in soulmate and twin flame relationships. Fear makes them do things that often make their fear a reality, or a bigger nightmare than they could imagine.
DO YOU FEAR LOSING YOUR SOULMATE OR TWIN FLAME?
Being afraid of losing a soulmate or twin flame can cause people to put themselves in a state of financial ruin. For example, let’s say your partner counts on you financially. The relationship itself sucks, and they treat you like crap. However, when they need money for rent or their phone, they come to you.
They make you feel that if you don’t help them financially, the relationship will be over. Your fear of losing the relationship has you forking over your hard earned cash in an effort to keep it.
Now, if you’re going to buy something, don’t you look at the price and see if it is really worth spending your money on? If you’re paying for a man to stay with you, shouldn’t you be getting your money’s worth? If he treats you like crap and you’re paying his bills, you are getting ripped off my friend. He should be treating you like gold, not like garbage.
You can’t buy someones love, and if you try, you should see right away that it doesn’t work. It could be the universe put you together because their lesson is to learn financial responsibility. Your fear is preventing them from learning that lesson. Any big surprise the universe is punishing you for it? Get out of their way, and stop paying their bills.
DO YOU PROJECT LOVE OR FEAR?
When we feel insecure, lacking confidence and have abandonment issues, we don’t make the best romantic partner. When you project joy and tranquility you give off a vibe that is much more attractive. Who wants to be with someone who is pessimistic and depressed all the time?
If you project joy, and l therefore love, you walk with your head up, you smile. You are kind if someone accidentally runs into you in the grocery store, for example. When you are in a negative space, or in the place of fear, you walk with your head down. Every little thing sets you off. You’re unpleasant to be around. Would you want to be with someone who’s depressed, insecure or without confidence? Wouldn’t you rather be with someone who is happy, confident and self assured?
If you ask someone what qualities in a person they find repugnant and repulsive you may hear things like needy, clingy, psycho, immature and melodramatic. All of those qualities come from a place of fear. Only a person who is afraid is needy, clingy, psycho, immature or melodramatic.
Jealousy can be normal and not affect a relationship in a negative way. It’s only when fear is added does the jealousy get out of hand and ultimately ruin the relationship. Jealousy comes from a fear of losing them to another. But acting over-the-top due to that fear can run them right into the arms of another person.
Don’t think a spiritual connection gives either of you permission to behave in such a manner. And don’t think the connection will keep you together if you do.
We talk to so many people who are in healthy soulmate or twin flame relationships. But their own insecurities, low self esteem, abandonment issues and other fears and phobias, actually prevent the relationship from growing. If you’re stuck in this place of fear, how can the love you have in your relationship grow?
It can’t, and it won’t.
Our challenge through all of this is to work on ourselves working through our fears, phobias and insecurities, so that love can grow. By releasing your fear, you release your death grip on the energy of the relationship.
Of course we understand you love them and want to be with them. But if the fear of losing them is stronger than the love you have for them, you are living from a fear based perspective. All you will manifest from this position is more fear. And that fear will more than likely bring the relationship to a breaking point.
If you feel you need to control your soulmate or twin flame you are coming from a place of fear. Your fear is the very thing that is pushing them away and creating the disharmony in the relationship. Address your fear. Face it head on. When you can do that, love comes in and takes over because you love yourself more than you fear losing the them.
You have faith in the connection. You believe in them and allow them space. If you believe your in a spiritual union, how can you not have faith in the connection itself?
If fear is ruining your relationship take all the focus off the them and focus it on yourself instead. Love yourself. If you love yourself, there’s no room for fear in the relationship. It’s time to defeat fear and kick it in the butt, once and for all. It is getting you nowhere, so it has to go.
So how exactly does one defeat fear in a soulmate or twin flame relationship?
It won’t magically happen overnight by the waving of a magic wand. Like anything else worthwhile it will be a process. The first step is of course to recognize that you’re operating from a place of fear. Realize your negative emotions are attached to fear.
For example, let’s say you fear your spiritual partner will abandon you. Rather than create the self-fulfilling prophecy by creating behaviors that will sabotage that relationship, identify what is making you feel threatened. Was it a past relationship? Has everyone you have ever been involved with broken up with you?
Let the past go.
Those relationships were not right for you. Now you have finally met your soulmate or twin flame. This is something completely different. Have faith that the universe brought you together for a reason.
It is a baby step but it is a step. In all relationships, like everything else, some element of risk is involved. Take the right risks though. You may feel as though all the chances you have taken had bad results. You may feel you no longer want to take any chances. Look at the chances you did take.
Was it reasonable for you to expect a great outcome? If someone is a known cheater why did you take a chance on them? It was a bad decision. If you are going to take a chance on anyone, why wouldn’t it be a soulmate or a twin flame?
Originally posted on 04/30/2013 @ 11:45 am